How to Annoy Your Mother. The Winter Edition

How to Annoy Your Mother. The Winter Edition

It's officially Autumn now, and that means shorter days (and longer weekends inside). With Mother's Day upon us, I thought this might be an excellent time to establish a few guidelines (let's go ahead and call them House Rules, shall we?) for avoiding an earache from Mum through the Winter months. These are actual, undoctored photos of my house while my older children are in residence. 

For those of you inclined to live dangerously, here's the definitive list of surefire ways to turn your Mum’s hair prematurely grey (seriously, though, let’s try to avoid these):

HOUSE RULE No. 1: Wake up! Get up and do something useful. Lovely. Or you could: Sleep until noon repeatedly in the full knowledge that each hour you sleep past 9AM shaves a day off Mum's lifespan. 

HOUSE RULE No. 2: Help out in the Kitchen. Or you could: Use the sink as a "display case" for fine, used dishware. Or leave pots "soaking" indefinitely—extra points for building a precarious pyramid of plates instead of drying them and putting them away. It's like Jenga, but with pots and pans! 


HOUSE RULE No. 3: Generally, help out! You could offer to walk the dogs, take out the rubbish, empty the dishwasher. You get the idea. Or you could: Do the Chore Avoidance Trick! Perfect the art of invisibility when chores are mentioned. Vanish in plain sight—magician status!



HOUSE RULE No. 4: Be mindful of other people in the house. We may not share your affection for Doom Metal. Or you could: Launch the At Home Concert Series! Test the house’s acoustics daily by practicing the electric bass at full volume or with your "Tunes Loud Enough to Wake Ancestors" playlist. That's not annoying at all, really... 

HOUSE RULE No. 5: Be mindful of energy waste (unless you are prepared to pay the utility bills, then by all means, go for it)! Or you could: be Resource Drain! Become an environmental villain by embracing taking 30-minute showers, waste electricity, and leave major appliances running. Especially during peak hours. So extravagant! 

HOUSE RULE No. 6: Don’t touch Mum’s chargers. Ever. Use them, but don’t lose them (or move them). Or you could: Become The Charger Thief! Steal Mum’s charger repeatedly. Watch as she goes mad, trying to get out the door with 3% battery life. So exciting!

HOUSE RULE No. 7: Please check to see if there is an open carton of milk, (or cereal, shampoo, or pasta sauce) before opening another one. Or you could become...The Multipack Menace! Open a new package of any consumable before checking to see if the first one is finished. Because who doesn’t love five open bottles of the same conditioner? It’s hilarious!


HOUSE RULE No. 8: Pick up your stuff. Think of it like camping or going to the beach. When leaving any common area, LEAVE NO TRACE. This counts for smells, too. Or you could always leave Clutter Trails. Leave a breadcrumb trail of your belongings or used dishes from the front door to every room in the house. It’s like a scavenger hunt, but with dirty socks and backpacks!


HOUSE RULE No. 9: Don’t touch that dial! Or you could play musical chairs with the Wi-Fi, streaming subscriptions, and sacred Sonos playlists. Nothing says "fun chaos" like messing with Mum’s favourite streaming service.

HOUSE RULE No. 10: Keep your Laundry Moving, Sister. Or you could: See how long you can leave your clothes in the washer before they evolve into a new life form! It’s like a Science project in the washing machine!

As tempting as they are, I hope you opt out of the "Danger" options and choose the more practical House Rules instead. By doing so, you will be making a significant contribution to the peace and harmony in the house. Or choose the other path and buckle up.

With Love (and a pinch of sarcasm),